|How old am I:||I'm 38 years old|
Why had I never felt this way before? I fully expected to go back to work afterwards, as well, like I had just hit the gym for an hour. What actually happens? When I arrived at his place, he greeted me with a smile and a hug.
At this point, I was in full-on research mode and my fantasy had receded. I asked myself the hard questions, and I realized I was deeply unhappy. Just a fantasy? Usually his clients are completely anonymous, screened only by a phone call, but we had already met in person and talked for an hour. My body felt things I had never felt before. Some had suffered sexual trauma. It started like any normal massage—upper back, stretching, oil. Subconsciously I wanted to discover answers for myself, too; like would I actually do it? And, it came from paying a man I met on the internet for a sensual massage.
I read books. I had a startling moment of empowerment, somewhere in between orgasms, where I realized I was deserving of good things. I deserved orgasms.
The journalist in me kicked in. The quotes he listed from women seemed real. The lights were low, spa music was on, and the room was warm. This was the first time I had ever talked so openly about my sexual expectations and boundaries with a man. I was relaxed and the nervousness gave way to physical pleasure. And I was nervous. He wanted to discuss why I was there, what my expectations were, and if I had boundaries.
He was there to listen and provide a service. Is this cheating? I felt like I could be honest and open without him judging me. This had to exist here. That was the hardest part.
I deserved to be seen, to be respected, to be loved. I was in a long-term, monogamous, and very committed relationship. I remember thinking that there was something missing—the feeling of passionate love, taking the time to slow down and be present, the focus on satisfying the other person rather than a quick get off. Who are these men who provide this? Up until this moment, I had no idea this service actually existed for women, and I instantly felt envious of the women in New York—it was something I needed to have.
Plus, I internet stalked him. In the days leading up, I was anxious.
Trade a massage for free!
I had multiple orgasms. We talked for an hour and he answered my dozen questions.
Maybe it was his sincerity and genuine interest in women deserving pleasure. But still I was intrigued and genuinely curious. Were they married or single, older or younger, sex-positive or timid? I like searching out intriguing stories and following the rabbit hole of discovery. The process appeared to be selective. And we never spent the time to build an intimate connection, exploration, and compassionate understanding. We sat down on his leather sofa and talked. I tried to focus on me, but all I could think about was work, my family, and the mental load of life.
He was a real person, with a secret job on the side pleasuring women. But I knew that my life had just changed.
But ultimately, I was simply deserving. I deserved it. Some were single and career-focused. But all were looking for affection and intimacy; not orgasms. I was deserving of love and respect. I saw a therapist.
Sensual massage experience
He was attractive. What kind of women do they see? But I made an appointment for myself. He brought me chamomile tea. They responded to my breathing. I had to focus only on myself and the new things I was feeling. Are there neon lights? So, here I was fantasizing about a random man in New York and the services he could provide for a few hundred dollars. Often, our child would sleep in our bed. We met for coffee a few days later. I had past trauma that I had never worked through. He whispered that we had five minutes left, caressed my head, and led me in deep breathing. I learned that most of his customers were either in sexless marriages, divorced, or widowed.
I felt like I knew and trusted him. I did some intense personal work immediately after. I found his LinkedIn profile, old blogs, and more. I wanted to understand more about the women who made appointments; who they were and what they Seeking sensual massage partner to get. I lived in San Francisco, one of the most sex-positive cities in the world.
I showered and met him back on the same leather sofa to talk about my experience.
Mom talk: i paid for an orgasm
It was our young and inexperienced fault, we never actually talked about our sexual needs and desires when we started our relationship. For an hour and a half, his hands were completely focused on my body. I felt guilty.
But still it was the same. But instead I took an early lunch from work to make my 11 a. A few years ago, I stumbled upon an article about a man in New York City who offered highly intimate massages, resulting in dozens of satisfied women.
For me, not doing this completely shifted something inside of me.
I went on a hunt. We had a one-year-old. It felt like a checklist of actions, and then we were done. I considered canceling. He seemed charming but in a trustworthy kind of way.
How did he get started? The massage took a gradual turn from a typical massage to a slow and sensual one without me noticing. That was the next reality I had to face.
I am also a woman with a strong sex drive, and I had always had a particular fantasy about a massage turning into something more. I felt empowered and incredibly sad at the same time. I also wanted to know more about him. It was all fast and routine. It was delivered under the guise of sensual pleasure. I was excited.
I laid down on the massage table, completely covered by a sheet.